Mullberry Whine

poured out before bed

Eight-Legged Early Morning Rush

…oh, I remember alright… (adapted from DeMotivational Posters entry)

I DO love a shower in the morning. Near scalding water, a loofah infused with some soft scented goo that promises cleansing, moisture, and subtle fragrancing in one product, a private corner to both voice and act out my personal rendition of Poker Face…an experience to be relished, even at an ungodly early hour. That is, unless, you suddenly realize you are sharing said corner with a little intruder.

And by little, I mean gianormous – about the length my thumb, and nearly the same color – and with more eyes and legs that the average species welcomed into the average human abode. Just as I was reaching for the conditioner, combining the gesture with a bit of sassy hip motion and a head tilt, I noticed something with decidedly more complexity than the dull yellow shower tile, mere inches from my cheek.

The dance I performed when my “that’s a spider” neurons fired was WAY more impressive than the number I’d been doing while lathering. And Mr. Arach-no-shower made the catchy caper into a pas de deux, scampering about in a jaunty pattern in step. I locked both eyes on him – save that second I needed to divert them toward the loofah I planned to launch at this creepy dance partner to effect my escape – but in that instant he was gone, nowhere to be seen.

I began to feel hairy specter legs everywhere on my skin, creating another dance form all its own as I spun around and inspected every inch of my integument. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, through the semi-opaque shower door – movement on the cream tile floor. I leapt from the shower, water pouring down my legs from drenched hair, to chase the creeping peeping tom down.

He was nowhere to be seen, despite frantic – yet ginger – searching.

But I have to hand it to him – if his intention was to get me off to school at record time, his approach was fantastic. That creepy feeling that he could be anywhere, watching me, strategizing, made my dressing, brushing, deodorizing session the fastest and most efficient EVER in my history. So, thanks little Arach-no-time-wasted. You got me to work early and wide awake.

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7 comments on “Eight-Legged Early Morning Rush

  1. livingvoraciously
    April 13, 2012

    I HATE spiders… they creep me out … but probably a little less than how I hate cockroaches… specially the ones that fly… ewwww!!!! I do my “dance to get away” as soon as I spot one 🙂

    • mullberrywhine
      April 13, 2012

      Oh eck, shiver, bleck! Growing up I spent some of my time in the deep South. Palmetto bugs?! No, friends, such a moniker is too inappropriate for words! That greasy hulking beast be a cockroach. And his powdery end be the bug bomb. I think a cockroach in the shower would have been yard (YARDS) worse! My dance would have been much more modern had that been the case! 😉

      • livingvoraciously
        April 15, 2012

        ooohhh you should have seen the way I woke up and raced out of my room in the middle of the night, screaming and shouting for someone to save me … all because an itty bitty cockroach somehow crawled over my legs in my sleep…. that was major EEEEEWWWWW!!!!!

        • mullberrywhine
          April 15, 2012

          Oh, there is no such thing as an itty bitty cockroach in my book. They are all gianormous, greasy monsters. And they are all out to get us. You did right! 😉

  2. Peace Of Iran
    April 14, 2012

    Seriously this photo is terrifying! I can’t stand spiders… Spider was one of the first Farsi words I learned… haha phonetically it’s “anne – ka – boot”… I learned it just so I could tell people I hated spiders.

    BTW… “Creeping peeping tom” made me laugh out loud!

    • mullberrywhine
      April 14, 2012

      The phonetic pronunciation for spider in Whinese is “OOO-aaaargh-aaah-ECK-gasp-sputter,” without heed to rising or falling tones. An alternate word more dependent on crisp use of consonants and some minor clicks is pronounced “bang-slap-bang-slap-RE-TREAT.” I think you’ll find such words roll off the tongue easily, especially if the creature they describe is suddenly noticed nearby. 😉

Keep it clean, keep it respectful, or keep away.

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This entry was posted on April 10, 2012 by in Creepy Crawlies, Finding Humor, Mornings, Sharing and tagged , , , , .

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The views expressed on "Mullberry Whine" are NOT intended to diagnose or treat disease.
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