Mullberry Whine

poured out before bed

Silly Goose

The Woman with the Geese, 1895, Camille Pissarro…

“I’m 98 years old.  What do you think about that?!”

“I think that’s pretty swell!” I smile.  “I bet you’ve got a lot of great stories to tell.”

“Oh, plenty, plenty,” he chortles, his thin red lips sliding over toothless gums, gray eyes pinched with self-satisfied glee.

“Well, tell me about the medical conditions you’ve beaten back all these years.”

The withered Mr. Jones launches into tales of “the sugar,” “the pressure,” “the nerves,” “the cholesterol,” “the prostate,” “the ‘monia” and “the tumor.”  He rattles off his previous surgical history, deftly lists his meds and doses like a contestant on a high-stakes game-show.  His mental clarity rivals that of the host.

He jokes as we attach the EKG leads and bp cuff, doesn’t miss a beat as we place the IV’s and art line.  He guffaws as he models his blue bouffant.  He winks often and reaches out to squeeze my hand frequently, as if our roles were reversed, he reassuring me.

The time soon comes to whisk off to the OR.  From my place at his side, I turn to take the break off the bed.

And suddenly feel something unmistakable.

And surprising.

In that nebulous gluteal – or shall we say goose-ial – region.

I manage to maintain my composure as we wheel away, catching up his chart from the IV cart.  At the very back, marked with a purple tab, is a caution flag: Inappropriate Behavior.

Mr. Jones throws me a sly wink just before we push the propofol.

.

A Step 2 CK Throw Back, from Anesthesia

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2 comments on “Silly Goose

  1. kindredspirit23
    October 22, 2012

    Guess you need to read all the chart BEFORE seeing the patient, hmm? lol

    • mullberrywhine
      October 23, 2012

      Boy, I’ll tell ya – I search for caution flags religiously now, in both paper charts and EMRs! 😉

Keep it clean, keep it respectful, or keep away.

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From the Cellar

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House Rules

Creative Commons License
Nothing under the table.
***
The views expressed on "Mullberry Whine" are NOT intended to diagnose or treat disease.
***
The med-ed related stories described here are based on real events. Details have been changed in accordance with HIPAA de-identification guidelines to protect confidentiality.
***
Mullberry Whine can be enjoyed daily; there is no unsafe quantity. Real wine, though, should be enjoyed in moderation. At-Risk Drinking for males under 65 is defined as >14 alcoholic beverages per week or >4/day, with >7 drinks a week or >3/day being the cut-off for females under 65 and for anyone, male or female, who has graced this planet for 65 years for more. Drink Mullberry Whine like there are no consequences. But drink alcohol responsibly. Your friends, your family, your health-care provider, and your liver - heck, ALL of the organs in your body - will thank you.
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