Mullberry Whine

poured out before bed

A Bit Thyroidal

…adapted from Thyroid Gland, the National Cancer Institute

“Well, then who is going to see me?!”

“I can, sir, if you’d like to save some time.  I can see you now and staff you with one of the attending Endocrinologi-“

“But you’re not a doctor!”

“No sir, I’m not.  As I said before, I’m a senior medical student.  But, if you allow me to see you, a staff physician will come in after we’ve discussed your case.  And, of course, as always, all decisions about your treatment plan will be made under the direct supervision of a staff Endocrinologist.  If you are uncomfortable being seen by a student, that’s no problem at all – we can either reschedule or you can wait ti-“

“Can’t Dr. Smith see me?”

“I’m sorry, as I said before, Dr. Smith is away on vacation.  And the other endocrine fellow – Dr. Johnson – is running late this afternoon.”

“Well, where is he?”

“She had car trouble… Would you prefer to wait until she comes?  It may be about an hour before she arrives but I can get you a meal vou-“

“Oh, it’s a she?”

“Who?  Oh, Dr. Johnson – yes, she’s a female doctor.  Would you like to wait for her?  I can get you a meal voucher to the cafeteria so you can eat whi-“

“Aren’t there any real doctors in this place?”

“Sir, Dr. Johnson is a real doctor.  She finished medical school and a medicine residency, and is now in her first year of Endocrine fellowship training – she’s at the same level as Dr. Smith, who usually sees you.”

“How about any man doctors?”

“Um…no, I’m sorry sir.  All the Endocrinologists in clinic today are female.”

“Then why am I here?!”

“Well, to talk about your thyroid nodules…”

“I don’t want any female touching me down there!”

“I’m sorry, touching you down where?”

“In my thyroids!”

“Sir, your thyroid gland is in your neck.”

“Oh…  Well, then why can’t you see me?!  I don’t want to wait here for that fellow, that would be stupid!  Why can’t you just see me so I can get out of here on time?!”


4 comments on “A Bit Thyroidal

  1. on thehomefrontandbeyond
    September 25, 2012

    why not indeed–this was funny

    • mullberrywhine
      September 25, 2012

      I had to try very hard to maintain my “doctor face”…

  2. kindredspirit23
    September 26, 2012

    I wonder how his marriage is (or isn’t)?

    • mullberrywhine
      September 26, 2012

      Not sure – this was an established patient so (mercifully) I didn’t have to take a social history beyond asking if there had been any changes to living/work arrangements or habits.

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The views expressed on "Mullberry Whine" are NOT intended to diagnose or treat disease.
The med-ed related stories described here are based on real events. Details have been changed in accordance with HIPAA de-identification guidelines to protect confidentiality.
Mullberry Whine can be enjoyed daily; there is no unsafe quantity. Real wine, though, should be enjoyed in moderation. At-Risk Drinking for males under 65 is defined as >14 alcoholic beverages per week or >4/day, with >7 drinks a week or >3/day being the cut-off for females under 65 and for anyone, male or female, who has graced this planet for 65 years for more. Drink Mullberry Whine like there are no consequences. But drink alcohol responsibly. Your friends, your family, your health-care provider, and your liver - heck, ALL of the organs in your body - will thank you.
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